When you truly love someone, they become your entire life. I waited, what seemed like a lifetime for that special someone to come into my life. How could I know my greatest joy would become my biggest curse. Although the one I love most has never found anything I ever did to his liking and I know he will never see anything I do as right, I will always be there if he needs me. That's what real love is. To bad he repays me with cruelty. I guess that's the price of true love.
THE STORY OF MY LIFE
Well sometimes even when life is hard, we need to smile. OK ladies, what kind of guy are you attracted to? maybe shy and quiet or perhaps a little bad. Someone who knows when its time to split or a fellow who always seems to be in the middle of the action. Perhaps you prefer a guy who is smooth and in control. Athletic, a good dancer or do you prefer a man on a motorcycle? Well lets see what the guys can come up with...Take it away boys.
DA DOO RUN RUN
20 years of abuse, 20 years of loneliness and isolation. 20 years hoping things will change. 20 years of being knocked down and starting life again...only to have history repeat itself. Learning to trust no one but my son, only to have him abuse me worst of all. Being told I never enter his thoughts. After being beaten into the ground so many times, I was not sure I wanted to try again. But I came to realize abuse is a fleeting thing. As temporary as life itself. Being helpless in life does not mean you will be helpless in death. If there is any justice, I will be back, and this time I will not be helpless. My son never thought about me in life, but he will remember me then. Every day I will be in his thoughts...talk about being famous. This video is for you my son.
A GHOSTLY WARNING
ONLY A MOMENT AGO
Ok... so how does the story go? I can tell you how it goes when you are asked to walk out of someones life that you love. You may stay calm and even smile, but if anyone cared enough to look, they would see the pain in your eyes. I know I am emotionally dead inside and can never find my life again without that person. Not much chance of that though. I have tryed and tryed and just can not give anymore. To much chance of getting burned.
CAN'T LIVE OR ALREADY DEAD
I walked out of my sons life at his request and it almost killed me. That was several years ago and I have not seen him since. He told me he did not love me and that in fact he never had loved me. He was just using me. I think back on our life together and I have trouble believing it. Many times he was cruel and abusive and I think perhaps he never did love me. Then I remember other times he seemed to love me very much. I can not help it. I think he did at one time love me, and perhaps he still does. It really does not matter I guess. Ether way, the ending is the same. LONELYNESS.
WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO
I am so glad to be able to express myself in this time of real devastation for me, but I have come to realize that one character has become the focus of most of my videos. He was chosen because he was so perfect for the role with his personality, but he was much more than sad and in pain. I feel I need to show the other side of this amazing character. He was exciting and fearless. He was a small man and he somehow did not seem to see his own worth although he spotted it quickly in others. With great moral beliefs he would stand up against the masses to protect the one he felt was right. Not quick to judge he was honest and willing to admit when he was wrong as well as forgive the mistakes of others. He was a very abused character but was willing to try to understand and forgive. Oh...make sure you check out his great scatter gun and the way he grits his teeth when angry. They became his trademark. I dedicate this video to Nick Adams for his amazing acting of this hot tempered unusual character.This is the other side of Johnny Yuma. Hope you like it.
GOOD THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES
YOU'LL NEVER BE ALONE
There is nothing like a best friend You know the one I'm talking about. The one that you can always count on no matter what. You can tell him anything and he always has your back. Sometimes you do not even know he is there until you need him. If you have a best friend or you are a best friend, this is for you.
YOUR TRUE COLORS
We are all beautiful in our own way and just a reminder, kindness IS a virtue. Although difficult to find.
Being a parent is about the hardest thing you can do. Nothing is more difficult or rewarding. So many times our kids just do not realize it and just can not understand how hard we try. It doesn't matter though, we love them always no matter what they do or say. Talk about a best friend, too bad many never realize it. If you are a parent, this one is for you.
A PARENT'S SONG
No matter who you are or how hard life gets, take heart. You can make things better. There is a hero in all of us.
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR
THE HERO IN YOU
GO THE DISTANCE
This video is mostly for me but perhaps you can enjoy it too. The black and white life that he has, with its hardships and pain compared to the colored life that he wants. I hope you like it and can get some inspiration from it to go out and find your own colored life.
What is the difference between a imposter and a true friend? Well...they both say they care, but when times get hard, only the true friend will still be there. You never know who is who until that day and you may be shocked and crushed when the results come in. I know I was. I did not even know they were my friends until that day. Now I know the truth and I will never forget it.
A VICTIMS LIMITS
Well...I think this title speaks for itself. No matter how small or weak someone feels, there is a limit to what they can and will accept. Beware abusers, power is a fleeting thing.
This video is to remind one person of a promise once made in love. Although time has dealt us a cruel hand I can only hope that promise will be carried out when the time comes.
CHILDHOOD FRIENDS FOREVER
I remember when I was a kid, sitting in front of the TV with my best friends watching my favorite shows. After years of so called friends that never were, I now know those were my best friends and my best times. I have somehow managed to rekindle my friendship with those great friends and the shows that brought us together. I dedicate this video to those friends and the three shows that made us the great team that we were.The Rebel, Maverick, and Run Buddy Run. I now know we will always be best friends.
Recently I had the misfortune to lose everything I owned. My job, home, all my belongings and yes, even my son. It has been extremely hard, but in the middle of all that pain I learned something very important. I won't go into it, but something happened that made me know for sure that God was with me. I had often wondered, but no more. It is easy to believe in God when all is going well, but we often wonder if he is there always. Well wonder no more...HE IS. Life may be beautiful for some but for many it is a day to day struggle just to survive. For them, life is hard and unforgiving. If you are one of the fortunate, this is not your video. It is for those of us who must fight for every day of life. Believe me, he has not forgotten you.
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
Being the black sheep is a lonely isolated life. You may not be included in family gatherings but you always hope somehow, someday they will come to realize what an asset you are. Someday you will get the chance to show them you are that piece that was missing from the family unit. They will then appreciate and welcome you into the family. This song speaks for itself so the footage is just there forentertainment. The guys will be telling their own stories. One of kindness, justice and well...just plain luck.
THE BLACK SHEEP
When we think of love, most think of a man and woman. There are many loves in the world just as beautiful. Love is in fact where you find it. This video is dedicated to the one I love the most. This video is to my son Mike with my love.
TO MIKE WITH LOVE
There is nothing lonelier than a self -imposed prison. Especially when you are put there by the one you love and trust most.
BECAUSE OF YOU
A best friend is something we all want. Someone you can trust with any secret and know it is safe. No matter what you do he understands and is on your side. He is rare and everyone wishes for that someone to talk to. Too bad so many never find one. If you are one of those people, do not feel bad, you are not alone. There are many who know just how you feel. This is your video.
If you have lost a child...then you understand this video. Let me say, I understand and I am so very sorry for your loss.
It seems like just yesterday that you were growing up and I was happy. If I could have only seen the future. The damage you have done I fear is not fixable. Somethings just are not. I must go on alone.
Have used these characters in so many of my serious videos I decided to have some fun with them. Hope you enjoy
Mike...I think about you every day. How can I feel so much love and pain toward the same person? You are in my heart and my mind always. I wish you would tell me WHY!
A dedication to babies everywhere and to those that love them. Cherish every moment with them and I hope you have a lifetime with your baby.
Sometimes, when a loved one hurts us really bad...we try to remember just the good times. It is a defense mechanism, to help us survive a really traumatic experience. No matter how hard we try though, the truth will sneak in now and then.
So lonely, so hurt, so much pain. You were so cruel to the one who loved you most. I think of my little boy and how much we loved each other. Then in the same instant, I think of the cruelty of the man, and I fall apart. Nice job!
Life can be so hard and for some it seems harder than others. Life just keeps throwing them a bad curve. Just when you think it can not get any worse, it does. That did happen to me in September 2011 and I find myself at the bottom of the barrel. In one day, I lost my job, home, all my belongings and worst of all...my only child. With no family to turn to I did the only thing I could think of to express how I am feeling. I put it all in my videos. This page is for those videos. I had not planned on publishing them, but have decided to do so. Perhaps you find yourself in a bad situation and one of these videos may let you know, you are not alone..
ALL BY MYSELF
Depression is a hard emotion to handle and even harder to overcome.
WAKE ME UP
TO THE BABY BOOMERS
My son has made it very plain he neither wants or needs me. He has his own life and I am not to be a part of it. I respect his wishes but it means I must go through life alone. I think about him daily and wish we could be like other family's. I truly feel he will someday want me to be part of his life. I firmly believe that will happen only after I am gone. When his chance is gone...THEN, he will want it. To bad for both of us.
SECRETS OF THE HEART
There's no place like home! But first you must have been someplace that feels like home. You must have had someone that felt like family. Without it, you are nobody.
This video has been a long time coming. It has taken over four years to get to this emotional state. It is so hard to be abused, but even harder when it comes from your own family. They are suppose to love you even if you are not perfect. The abuse just hurts worse. For me, it has been a life time, and I have learned to accept it. In fact, I have not found anyone who is not just using me. I never stopped loving them though and would never show any form of revenge on them. When my son found it profitable to use me however, that was the most painful of all. Being a single parent, he was my life. my family and my only child. I had to be strong for him, like a mountain. He was like a beautiful valley. He kept me grounded and my feet stable. When he betrayed me, the pain was almost more then I could bare, and I admit, I died inside. But somehow I got up and went on. None of them seem to see me for anything more then something to abuse and use. They show no regret, for they have justified it in their minds.They never will see me for who I am. They will never know I love them always and forgive them. It is probably my greatest quality. After my emotional death however something changed in me. All feelings are locked in and all people locked out. I am a soldier dressed in a sheet of armor. I still care, because I know it is the right thing to do, but I keep my emotional distance. They will never hurt me again. To bad it means I will always be alone.
ONE TIN SOLDIER
TAKE ME DANCIN' TONIGHT
No matter how bad things get, sometimes you just have to get away. They say laughter and music can help even the saddest of hearts, so go ahead. Put your problems on the shelf and let's go dancin' tonight!
Television is a huge part of all our pasts. You know how you feel when you turn on the set a see a show , character or commercial that you loved way back when? No matter how hard life gets you just have to smile. Ahhh...what a feeling.This video is dedicated to all those images that made us smile over the last sixty years. Hope you find one that makes you smile to.
As I work on my next video, I think about how lucky we are to be able to do all the things we can now do. Everything at our finger tips. with computers, cell phones and everything else, it seems we should be the luckiest generation of all time. Then I think back and realize we have perhaps lost not only some good times, but maybe the best times. Even television, although there is so much more of it, seems to have lost the really important things. With tv being such a important part of our kids childhoods, it is no wonder they seem to have lost their innocence. Every show I watched as a child had a hero. Someone a kid could look up to. Every hour of every day kids were surrounded by heroes and a very defined idea of right and wrong. Kids needed it back then, and they still need them today. But where are they? This video is dedicated to television the way it use to be. And to a much slower life style.
THE GOOD OLD DAYS
Trying to start over in my twilight years, is hard and depression is my constant companion. I can not help but look back at my childhood when life was so simple. Everyone back then grew up with the western, and my favorites were part of my everyday play. Guns strapped to my waist and a broom for a pony, outside was the only place to be. My heroes were brave, exciting, and their morals pure. Looking back I guess my heroes have always been cowboys. Here are my favorites. Oh I know Johnny was a rebel, but it was for sure a western show. Hope you enjoy.
To my best friends who were there in front of me all the time and I did not see them. In this painful time of my life you have no idea how important you are. You keep me together and help me move forward. Thank you always
FOR THE FIRST TIME
ONLY IF YOU WANT TO
FRIENDS ARE WHERE YOU FIND THEM
To the one I love most. Remember even the strongest love has a limit.
ONE LAST CRY
THE SOUND OF GOODBYE
This video is to my son. I can only hope somehow he knows how hard I tried.
Funny, but sometimes you can spend your life looking for something just to find that when you stop and open your eyes, you realize it was right in front of you the whole time. Even best friends.
TALK TO ME
What can I say except sometimes we all need someone to talk to.
ONE MOMENT IN TIME
It seems unfair, but for so many, life just is not kind. They work and fight and for what seems like nothing but a slap in the face. But keep fighting because you may get your day yet.
Ever been betrayed by the one you trusted most?....Then you understand this video.
I have wanted to do this song for some time now but could not find the right character for the role. This song requires a female, and with no females with enough emotion I have decided on cartoon characters. Although it lacks the emotion I wanted, it is the best I could do. I think you get the idea anyway. Hope you enjoy it.
Ok...so I have decided to leave the only state I have ever known and move as far away as I can get. Away from the memories that haunt me. I am very unsure and I know the trip will be long and lonely. I hope there is someone for me and perhaps that person is looking for me too. That best friend, companion or maybe even partner may be "somewhere out there"
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
No matter how strong the love, you can only remain a victim so long. Then you will turn and fight. It has nothing to do with not loving or even revenge...it has to do with survival!
Well you may or may not get this video. I think you need to be there to understand it. If you do not get it I am sorry, if you do get it, I am sorry. I get it, and I'm sorry for that too.
When the ultimate love becomes the ultimate betrayer, you are left with pain and doubt. You remember the good and the bad and it becomes a battle with your own self. Love and pain in the same instance. Wanting what you know you can never have and not being able to trust even if it was offered to you. Wanting the love and the life you once shared and deep down knowing you could never trust enough to try it again anyway. Hoping they still love you and yet knowing they do not. What do you do? Well if you figure it out...let me know.
I'LL REMEMBER YOU
IN MEMORY OF A SON
WAKE ME UP
What can I say...except, I hope you do not feel like this. The brown footage at the beginning of the video, is his outward self. The black and white film is his emotions.
The title says it all. What I gotta do?...Good question.
WHAT I GOTTA DO